Harry Harrison Bill 04 On the Planet of Tasteless Pleasures (Dav

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irrevocably in love with her. And truly, she loves me as, yea, I do love her!"
"Bill," said Rick bulging his eyes with horror at his suddenly possessed
comrade. "Arrrr! Why the devil are you talking like that?"
Bill shook off the spell. "Sorry. The curse of the comix." He took in a deep
breath. "Anyway, it's the truth, Doc. That is, if this is the same Irma."
Quickly, he sketched out a description.
The effect upon the King was incredible. He had grown paler and paler as Bill
had told his tale, but now color was pumped back to his cheeks. He forced
himself up into an only half-bent sitting position, his eyes glowing with some
traces of renewed health and vigor. "Can it be? This is the very description
of my precious, lovely Irma! You have indeed seen her."
"And it's her that I'm looking for Doc. I am, as we say in the Troopers in our
own comradely way, nuts about her! I'm not really here to help Dr. Delazny,
not at all! I'm here to find Irma!"
The King frowned. "I'm not really sure I want my daughter going out with a
professional soldier and one with fangs as well. No insult intended, young
man. But what looks good stuck in the mush of a lion isn't exactly what I
would call son-in-law material."
"Look here, Crunchy! I could get rid of the fangs you know!" snarled Bill.
"Arrrr! Bill," said Rick, agasp. "You'd give up Deathwish Drang's fangs for a
woman! You really are in love, aren't you?"
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And Bill, in a sudden excess of self-pity and indulgent lachrymose romance,
found tears streaming down his cheeks. "Yes, Rick! Even I find it hard to
believe that a broken down old Trooper can find love at last.
But someone out there, a woman in a billion, has broken through my hard-bitten
training. You know, even
The Galactic Troopers of the Empire can't stop love, Rick. I will go to the
farthest stars, to the very ends of the Over-Gland to find her!"
Rick shook his head. "This place has certainly had its effect on you, old
friend! And not for the good, believe me. Can you believe that hogwash...! Oh
well, I'm along for the ride I guess. Love will have its way and I have got
to find that Holy Grail Ale!"
"You seek the Holy Grail Ale?" said the Baron/Doctor. "I've been looking for
that myself! Great stuff, I
hear. It might restore my depleted powers. You should have mentioned that
before. I wouldn't have had you thrown in my dungeons."
"That's okay," said Bill. "We needed the rest anyway, didn't we, Rick?"
Rick shrugged. "I guess so." He turned to the King. "But you say that you have
no idea where this
Fountain of Hormones is either, Doc?"
"Alas, it is a mystery even to my instruments!"
"We met this dragon who said that it was south
," said Bill.
"
All roads lead south in the Over-Gland!" Baron Barren beckoned to a pair of
trolls. "Lackeys! Bring my stretcher! I would show our visitors my
inventions!"
Two gnarled creatures carrying a stretcher hurried up. Another helped roll the
depleted Lord onto the top of it. He fell off noisily several times, making
much commotion and many shrieks of rage. Babblings and scrabblings later, his
constituents managed to get him balanced properly upon the stretcher, and
began to haul him toward the door.
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20Pleasures.htm (61 of 95) [10/14/2004 11:58:11 PM]
Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Tasteless Pleasure
"Come along, gentlemen. Do come along. Perhaps fresh brains will help me solve
this particularly twisted puzzle."
Now freed from their bonds, Bill and Rick found it quite easy to catch up with
the Baron or King or Doc or whatever the hell he was, and keep pace.
"That bird around your neck, Bill," said Baron Bar. "I hesitated to mention it
before. But now, since we are old buddies, you will pardon my asking. But it
is almost as odd as the cleft hoof upon your leg. Am I
wrong, or is that not a symbol of peace, destroyed?"
"You got it in one," Bill gloomed. "I have been stricken with the Grime of the
Aging Marinator for killing the thing. I must find my true love, which is
Irma, so that the spell can be lifted."
"And the foot?"
"Old war wound."
"Most interesting. But hark! We approach the chamber, a former coffee roasting
room, which I have converted into my laboratory. Yes, yes, my boys. Come into
my lab and see what's percolating. Har-har.
Don't get much of a chance for humor around these parts."
"No," said Bill. "I guess not. Particularly if that is a sample."
"You mean you think that there might be a hope of discovering the whereabouts
of the Fountain of
Hormones, there in your lab?" said Rick, scratching his head doubtfully.
"Yes. In the years that I have ruled here, I have not abandoned my researches.
No, only now I employ different tools. But no reason to babble on further
fellows! Scritch! Pixindenda! Open those doors and take us through. Our guests
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are about to witness true wonder!"
Bill, who'd had more than enough of true wonder lately, would much rather have
witnessed true grain alcohol; but he had to admit, this crunchy old geezer was
tickling his curiosity.
Something behind that door was gurgling.
Gurgling and gulping, squirting and chugging, bellowing and hissing. It was
the oddest melange of liquid sounds that Bill had heard since he had almost
drowned in boot camp. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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